


love me like there's no tomorrow

by SemperAeternumQue



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a sad ending, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Choose Your Own Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Major Character Injury, No beta we die like Kenric, POV First Person, Read at Your Own Risk, Suicidal Thoughts, and takes place directly following a final battle against the neverseen, fics that make you wonder if the writer is okay, there are three different endings, this is all told from tiergan's perspective, tiergan gets to be a lot sad <3 as a treat, will explain more in the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28555824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemperAeternumQue/pseuds/SemperAeternumQue
Summary: ~ I turn to see my love, and my entire world shatters as he falls, determination set onto his face and blood already streaming from the slash across his torso."Leto!" My scream rings across the battlefield as I throw myself forward, reaching for him desperately.I am too slow. I cannot even catch him before he hits the ground with a quiet, pained "Tierg."~An extremely angsty choose your own ending style fic! There are three endings: happy, sad, and extra sad. All of them feature Leto/Tiergan and a whole lot of angst. You have been warned.
Relationships: Councillor Bronte & Tiergan (Keeper of the Lost Cities), Magnate Leto/Tiergan (Keeper of the Lost Cities)
Comments: 50
Kudos: 13





	1. the final battle (starter for all endings)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys and welcome to a really sad fic! There is only one happy ending to this and it may be somewhat confusing to navigate, but I'll try to keep the notes clear enough. Mind the warnings!
> 
> This chapter is the base starter chapter- all three endings begin with this story.

I turn to see my love, and my entire world shatters as he falls, determination set onto his face and blood already streaming from the slash across his torso.

"Leto!" My scream rings across the battlefield as I throw myself forward, reaching for him desperately. 

I am too slow. I cannot even catch him before he hits the ground with a quiet, pained "Tierg."

"Leto, I-" What can I say? I have to help him, but I am no medic. "I'll get you to Livvy, it's going to be okay-"

"It's too late, Tierg." He is so beautiful even when he's hurt, just as enchanting as the day I met him. I don't want to believe this is the end.

"It can't be. We'll find a way."

"No, it-" he gasps a little, pained, and I pull him closer as carefully as I can manage. "It's over for me. I won't survive this."

"Leto-"

"Be still," Leto orders, and I obey. He reaches up a hand to cup my face, painfully slow, and brushes his thumb over my cheekbone so so softly. "I love you, Tierg. But it's my time to call swan song now."

My eyes are stinging with tears, but I turn my head and kiss his palm. "I love you. I'll always love you. The world could be ending and I'd still love you. I can't just let go of you."

"I know, I know, and I'm asking you to anyways. How selfish of me, really."

"Not- not selfish." It isn't selfish to want me to let go, be able to move on. It's the opposite of selfish, but how do I articulate that to him? "I'm just stubborn."

"I know. I- love you for it."

He tugs me closer, and I kiss him like that can fix anything now. "I still love you."

"I love you always." Leto's voice is so, so weak. "Goodbye, Tiergan."

He says my name like a prayer.

I hold him tightly.

He falls still.

* * *

Someone is crying. It is a pitiful sound, broken, agonized sobs like their world has ended. Whoever it is. I feel bad for them for too long of a moment before I realize it's me. It should have been obvious, really, given that I'm holding my world in my arms and he's dead.

Leto used to say I was the sun and he only the moon, reflecting my light, but I see now that he must have been wrong. He was the sun, all the joy and brightness and life. Without him, I am nothing but a cold rock in the endless void of space. I could shorten that to 'I am nothing', really, and it would be just as true. Leto is my world- _was_ my world- and losing him hurts more than any other pain I've felt. 

Perhaps he was right that I am the sun- I feel like a dying star, now, all my layers flaking away into the void of space. It is too easy to lose myself, to drown in this feeling. I don't suppose I'll ever find a way to pull myself out. 

I thought I had experienced grief when Prentice's mind was shattered. I thought I knew what loss meant when Cyrah faded away. When Sophie was kidnapped by the Neverseen. When _Wylie_ was kidnapped by the Neverseen.

I didn't. 

I am drowning in so much agony I cannot tell where the physical pain ends and the emotional pain begins. My muscles are aching from the battle but it could just as easily be my heart that's aching. There is no end anywhere, no glimmer of hope. Only darkness. Leto was my light. My sun or moon, it doesn't matter which. All I know was that he was the one who lit up the dark, and now he is gone. 

I dedicated everything to him. Every spare minute that didn't go to Wylie, every ounce of my energy. He was my match, my equal in every way, but he is gone and I am drowning in the despair of his absence.


	2. we were born to be just losers (sad ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sad ending chapter! Specific warnings for referenced homophobia, major character death, gore/injury, and suicidal thoughts.

The children are crying.

That's the next thing that registers in my mind, familiar voices and all-too-familiar cries of distress.

"Tiergan!" Someone is shaking my shoulder, desperately. I recognize the voice. Sophie. The girl who Leto worked so hard to let live. "Tiergan, please wake up!"

I must be lying still enough for them to think I'm dead. How fitting.

"Dad! Dad-" Wylie's voice is breaking, and that's what forces me to let go of Leto, finally.

"Wylie." I barely recognize my voice as my own, but I reach out a hand to him anyways and he tugs me away from Leto, hugs me tightly enough that it almost feels like an anchor in the sea of my grief. I should be the one comforting him, but I'm crying too hard to offer any sort of reassurance. Maybe that's okay, since everyone else is crying too.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Livvy whispers to me.

"It's okay," Sophie tries to promise, but her voice is breaking too much for the words to hold any sort of weight. "It's- it's-" she gives up, leans against me instead, a solid presence against my back. It helps more than any words could.

I don't know how long we sit there. Minutes or hours. My legs go numb under me, and I barely notice. Everything seems so distant when you're drowning in your own sorrow.

I hear footsteps after a while, more voices joining the chorus of horror. My face is pressed into Wylie's shoulder still, but I don't need my vision to know who has joined us.

"Forkle!" The grief in Squall's voice is as sharp as the ice she summons. "Is-"

"He's dead," Livvy confirms softly. "I checked very thoroughly, but...there was nothing to be done."

"No," Blur whispers.

"No," Wraith agrees. "Forkle is- was, I guess- the one of us who deserved to see the end of this war the most. He can't- it's not fair."

Livvy's voice is rough. "It's not fair. Not at all. But there was nothing I or anyone else could have done about it, not when some motherfucker must've decided to hurt him."

I flinch at her words.

Squall must notice, since I can hear the crackling of ice as she kneels, and an icy cold hand rests on my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Tiergan."

There's nothing I can say to that. I don't even try.

"We found Tierg clinging to Leto," Livvy murmurs as Squall stands again. "So still we thought he was dead at first. He wouldn't let go until Wylie begged him, and he hasn't said a word since."

"Shit." Blur is crying; tears are phasing through my cloak. "Shit."

"I know. I know."

Wylie squeezes me gently. "Dad's right here, you know."

I don't care that I am. I would rather be wherever Leto is, even if that meant death. Hell, dying might be preferable to this. But Wylie still needs me, so I just nod weakly. 

“Come here,” Blur says, and despite the fact that I’ve never let anyone but Leto boss me around, I obey and let go of Wylie.

To my surprise, Blur’s arms are entirely solid when he hugs me. Blur never goes out of disguise normally, but now he has just to give me a damn hug. 

I might be crying again. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry,” Blur replies.

I don’t know why I’m surprised by the lack of coherence, really. The world has been turned upside down with Leto’s death for the rest of them, while my world is shattered entirely. How anyone could expect us to act normally is inconceivable.

“We stopped the Neverseen.” That’s Squall, quiet and hesitant. “They’ll never fight again.”

She doesn’t say we won. We haven’t, not when Leto is lying still and bloody on the battlefield of this new, empty world. 

He deserved to see us win. He deserved to know the Neverseen was defeated, deserved to know that the world was safe. Leto fought the hardest out of any of us for a better world, he started the whole damn thing. He deserved to see it finished. We deserved to see it finished. The two of us, together, finally dancing in the daylight as opposed to hiding in the shadows and loving, plotting, fighting in secret. I don’t even know if I’m talking about matchmaking or the war against the Neverseen anymore, but either way Leto deserved better. 

I didn’t get to marry him. I didn’t get to propose to him under the stars, marry him in the sunlight and kiss him in the moonlight. 

I deserved that. We deserved a happy ending. But deserved doesn’t change cold bodies in a cold field or the hushed voices of my best friends as they try to figure out what the hell we’re going to do without him.

My anger is too big for the confines of Blur’s arms now, grief turning to rage at the unfairness of the world.

I pull away from the others, get to my feet quietly. “I’m going to take a moment.”

“Okay, Tiergan.” Livvy pats my hand gently. “We won’t make any decisions without you.”

I head across the battlefield, looking for a quiet place to scream at the sky, and almost bump into Bronte.

He looks a right mess, like he’s been through hell and back and came out the other side still fighting. There’s a cut on his forehead dripping blood all down his face, and bruises marring practically every inch of uncovered skin. His hands are covered in dirt and blood, and his lip is split, clothes slashed or scorched in several places.

And yet, he’s the one who asks “Are you okay?”

I must look even worse. “No.”

“What happened?” The concern in his voice is real and I hate him for it.

“Leto is dead.” My voice is shaking with rage and sorrow. “Leto is fucking dead, and my entire goddamn world with him.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fucking fix it! Sorry didn’t fix it when you shattered Prentice and took away my world for the first goddamn time and sorry doesn’t fix the fact that Leto is gone forever! Sorry can’t change all the unfair bits of the world, so don’t even fucking try to offer me that.” I’m physically shaking now too. “I didn’t get to be with him, I didn’t get to love him in the sunlight, I didn’t get to see the goddamn better world he promised me when he got me into the Black Swan! We defeated the Neverseen, but he didn’t even get to fucking see that. He’ll never see the better world he worked so damn hard for and I’ll never see a good world again without him in it. I thought the same when you shattered Prentice, and you and your coworkers in your glittering castles didn’t give a damn. Don’t fucking bother to act like you care about me now.”

Bronte stands there quietly while I scream at him, not offering the slightest comeback or rebuttal. His face is unreadable, but his eyes are sad. I wish I could find it in me to hate that pity too.

I’m breathing hard. “Are you not going to even defend yourself?”

“No, no I’m not.” His words are quiet. Genuine. “I’m sorry, Tiergan. I’m sorry that I can’t fix this. I’m sorry I could never change the ways our society thinks of love. I’m sorry you’ve suffered so much that your grief turns to rage like mine. You deserved better.”

"So did you." I am not so proud that I cannot admit the elf across from me has suffered under our society too.

Bronte shrugs. "It is what it is."

"Doesn't make it okay."

"No, it doesn't."

We stand together on the final battlefield of a war they'll say we won and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was all of the sad ending. If you want to read the other two endings, click ahead to chapter 3!


	3. in the Healing Center (middle part for both happy ending and extra sad ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the middle part for both the happy and the extra sad endings. Chapter-specific warnings for injury, medical stuff, and one brief mention of not eating.

The children are crying.

That's the next thing that registers in my mind, familiar voices and all-too-familiar cries of distress.

"Tiergan!" Someone is shaking my shoulder, desperately. I recognize the voice. Sophie. The girl who Leto worked so hard to let live. "Tiergan, please wake up!"

I must be lying still enough for them to think I'm dead. How fitting.

"Dad," Wylie whispers.

I don't have the energy to move.

"Tiergan!" Livvy says, more urgent. "Tiergan, you have to let go of him."

I manage the strength to shake my head. I won't leave Leto.

"Let go of Leto," she repeats. "He's not dead yet, but I need you to let go of him so I can help him, you dumb fucking gay!"

Livvy has never spoken to me so harshly. Even at the start.

I let go of Leto.

"Good. Good. Thank you." I can hear the apology in her voice as she moves in to help him, but I don't care. She doesn't need to apologize if there's the slightest chance in this universe that she can save Leto.

Livvy stitches him up, quickly and roughly, and I try not to look. Usually, gore doesn't bother me at all, but when Leto's hurt it's different somehow. 

"Right, that's a good temporary fix. We need to leap him to a hospital or somewhere with better medical supplies," Livvy says.

"Where can we find that?" Sophie asks. She's right to question, Alluveterre is out of the question, and our other hideouts aren't equipped with the right supplies.

"Foxfire." Someone is holding a leaping crystal out to us. They're behind me, so I can't tell who it is, but the hand wrapping the crystal is slim, scarred, and covered in blood. "Elwin's got the medical bay prepared. I'll deal with the rest of the Council if they make a fuss; I should hope that we haven't fallen so far as to put our grudges and conflicts over elven lives."

Bronte. It's Bronte speaking, voice as rough as ever but words promising us a tiny bit of hope, a shot at saving Leto.

Livvy takes the leaping crystal. "Right. Let's go."

"I'll tell anyone who asks where you lot are," Bronte promises. He reaches down- not far, presumably- to give my shoulder a tiny comforting squeeze, but says nothing. I haven't decided if I hate him still or not, but that will be a debate for another day. For now, all I can think of is Leto.

"Thanks," Sophie says.

Livvy is mostly holding Leto, but she doesn't protest when I take his other side as she holds up the crystal to the light and we all collectively stagger into the beam.

We reappear in the familiar Foxfire atrium- for once, it's not crowded, and thank every force out there for that. Thank every force out there too- or perhaps just the builders of Foxfire- that it's not a long way between the atrium and Elwin's healing center. Even carrying Leto, who I refuse to look down at for fear that I'll shock myself to the point of not being able to help, we make it there within minutes.

Sophie bursts in first, throwing open the doors. "Elwin!"

Elwin startles, looking up from where he's preparing some elixir. "Sophie?"

"We need help." She's direct. I'd appreciate it, if I could think beyond holding tightly to Leto.

"Oh, jeepers." Elwin's hand flies to his mouth when he sees Livvy and I, who must be both utterly soaked in blood, and Leto held between us. "Okay, bring him over here."

As we carry Leto over to the bed, Bullhorn starts screaming.

Livvy swears violently under her breath.

"Fuck," Sophie mutters over the screaming. 

Elwin and Livvy are scrambling around now, calling quick, panicked instructions to each other. I don't hear any of what they say, I can't hear anything but the screams of a banshee ringing in my ears. Screams that herald death.

Sophie seems to be thinking the same thing as I am. "Please don't jump on the bed, please don't jump on the bed," I hear her beg Bullhorn quietly.

Livvy curses again.

Bullhorn leaps onto the bed, suddenly quiet.

Amid the panic, I reach out to Leto's mind desperately, begging him to stay. _Leto, please. Don't leave me. Leto! You promised me we would always be together. Please stay_ , I beg over and over, but I reach nothing but emptiness. Leto's hand between my own is all I can feel, the deathly silence of a banshee louder than its screams.

And all of the sudden, Bullhorn is screaming again, leaping off the bed, and then he goes quiet, scuttling away towards the corner of the room. The silence left behind is nothing on the emptiness of my own mind without Leto, but it is startling nonetheless.

Livvy gives a tiny whoop. "Out of the woods, at least for now!"

"Thank goodness," Elwin murmurs. 

Into the quiet, Sophie starts crying.

Elwin and Livvy are still working, but I let go of Leto's hand with one of my own to reach for Sophie. She shuffles close to my side hesitantly, and I silently wrap an arm around her shoulders. Words are too much, but the touch seems to be enough, since she leans into me. She's almost taller than I am, now, but she still seems so small. So young. Wylie is taller than both of us, and it's obvious when he comes to join the hug, wrapping his arms around me and Sophie from behind.

So I cling to Leto's hand, and Sophie clings to me, and Wylie clings to both of us, and Leto lies there so perfectly still that I can barely discern the rise and fall of his chest.

"Tiergan," Livvy says quietly, nudging me. "Sit. I got chairs for all of us."

I sit down.

Sophie sits on my lap.

Wylie leans on my shoulder.

"I'm going to be heading to the battlefield," Elwin says, but I don't process any of the rest of what he says. Only that he's leaving and Livvy is staying.   
I don't think I have the energy to care either way.

* * *

Some amount of time later, Sophie's soft sniffles finally stop. I look down and find her asleep, curled up with her head on my shoulder. Even with her eyes closed, she doesn't look peaceful; there's too much blood smeared across her face for that. She does look younger, though, a little bit of the tension gone from her shoulders and her face still innocent even though her eyes (when they're open) are too old for fifteen.

Wylie isn't asleep, but he's slumped in his chair, and another little piece of my heart-which I thought was already shattered- breaks in two.

Some time after that, the doors burst in and Keefe hurries in, followed by Biana and Fitz. 

“Heard Foster was here, thought we’d check on her,” Keefe says loudly.

With my free hand, I make a shh motion at all of them and nod downward to where Sophie has somehow slept through their entrance.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Keefe whispers, stepping closer. “How’s Forkle? He looks as bad as Fitzy boy was post-giant-bug-stabbing.”

My flinch must be obvious, since he winces a little. “Sorry. Not very nice of me to say. I mean, Livvy fixed Fitz up just fine, so he should be able to fix Forkle, right?”

Bands of fear tighten around my chest again, making it hard to breathe. “I hope so.”

“I bet so,” Biana assures me. “There’s not a lot our medicine can’t fix- and I say that as me.” 

Fitz winces when she gestures to her scars, but he nods too. “Biana and Keefe are right. He’ll be okay, s- Tiergan.”

It’s the first time he’s ever referred to me by my name only, no sir in front of it. I don’t know how I feel about the fact that Leto had to get hurt for that to happen- and how much of a mess I must look if the kids are trying to comfort me. I try for a smile. “I trust Livvy. Now, where are the rest of the kids?”

“Marella insisted Tam and Linh go home with her, since you weren’t at their home,” Biana says. “Maruca and Stina went back to their houses a while ago too, since Bronte told us Wylie was safe. And Dex’s parents dragged him off, leaving just the three of us.”

Keefe’s smile is sad. “I get to hang out with the cool squad, since Dad doesn’t care if I get home on time.”

“And our parents are too busy dealing with the fact that they recaptured Alvar,” Fitz agrees bitterly.

If I could adopt all three of these children, I would. But all I can do is gently pat Livvy’s now-empty seat and say “Come sit down, then.”, so that’s what I do.

Biana makes Fitz take the chair, and Keefe sits in Fitz’s lap while Biana perches on an armrest and leans on her brother’s shoulder. “Thanks, Tiergan.”

“Of course.” My voice is still raspy from tears, and my hand is numb from clutching Leto’s, but I manage a smile for the children. 

They smile back, small and tired but a smile regardless.

* * *

It’s much later at night, maybe midnight, and all the kids are asleep by the time Bronte comes in. He pushed open the Healing Center doors very carefully and quietly, creeping in.

I have been nodding off a little, but I look up. “Bronte.”

He nods, as if that’s a reasonable way to return a greeting. For all I care, it could be. “Tiergan. I’m sorry to bother you, but I wanted to check on Leto.” I’m silent, so he goes on. “I won’t be staying though- I have to get back to Eternalia, Oralie will be having a rough time with the battle, and there are prisoners to deal with-“

“It’s okay. Sit down.” My voice surprises even myself, but I know the exhaustion and fear in Bronte’s voice too well to just let him go on exhausting himself like I’d do to myself in his position.

Bronte halts in surprise, before nodding briefly to me. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He quietly makes his way across the room, bending down to check on Leto before he reaches where I am.

There are no empty chairs. I’m tempted to just send him back to Eternalia, but...he is Leto’s friend. What would Leto do in this situation? I shrug to myself and glance up at him. “There’s no more chairs, but you can sit on the floor.”

Bronte does, leaning back against my chair. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t console me.” It makes me feel like I’ve already lost Leto. 

“Okay.”

We’re both silent for a few long moments.

Eventually, Bronte closes his eyes softly. From far away, one might think he's asleep, but I can see him crying silently. His tears make tracks through all the grime on his face, and when the moonlight falls just right from the window above, they glitter.

Those tears turn into sniffles, which turn into sobs, and I say nothing. He wouldn't want me to anyways.

Leto would be disappointed. I squeeze Leto's hand, and reach down with my other one to tap Bronte lightly on the shoulder.

He flinches, barely noticeable, and glances up at me. 

I shrug and hold out my hand.

Bronte cautiously reaches up and takes it.

The diamond in my ring from Leto glimmers in the moonlight like a teardrop, and if I was any more of a romantic person I would say it seemed a sign of hope. To hope and have that hope crushed would destroy me, so I try not to, but...perhaps there is a part of me that wishes for it to be a sign of hope. 

Bronte must notice the ring, but he says nothing. I notice that his face is still shining with tears, but I say nothing.

It is a long night with little rest, but somehow we survive it.

* * *

I wake up to sunlight on my face and Bronte's hand still in one of mine, Leto's hand clutched in my other. Miraculously, Sophie has slept through the night, head pillowed on my shoulder. Keefe, Fitz, Biana, and Wylie have all found chairs or other spots to sleep, and Bronte is conked out leaning against the chair. Grady and Edaline must have come to visit at some point in the night, since they're both asleep in the bed next to Leto's, but they seem unharmed.   
I squeeze Leto's hand gently, whispering a 'good morning' along our mental bond. There is nothing but silence, and the emptiness is suffocating. I never knew it could hurt so badly to _not_ have someone in your mind.

Thankfully- un-thankfully, really- that's when half the Council shows up. They aren't even quiet about it or anything, hurrying inside with far too much noise and Emery in the lead.

"Sir Tiergan!" He exclaims.

Sophie stirs on my lap, and I shoot Emery my most poisonous glare. "What?"

"Have you seen Bronte-"

I jerk my head towards the side of my chair, and Emery hurries around to see. "Oh thank goodness. Why the hell do you never tell me where you're going?" He addresses Bronte, who blinks sleepily, flips him off, and closes his eyes again.

Emery sighs deeply. "You scared the hell out of everyone."

"I scared the hell out of you, you mean," Bronte retorts without opening his eyes.

"Contrary to what you think, the rest of the Council _does_ care if you live or die."

"Didn't Oralie tell you I told her I was going to Foxfire?"  
"

She's asleep," Emery says flatly.

"Whatever." Bronte lets go of my hand to get up, running a hand through his hair. "Let's just go back to Eternalia."

Emery sighs again and turns to leave. "Okay, let's go."

Bronte follows him, pausing at the doorway and turning back to me. "Thank you."

"No problem." My voice sounds dull, even to my own ears.

Bronte looks like he wants to say more, but he turns away and steps through the door after Emery.

"What did the Council want?" Sophie yawns.

"They were looking for Bronte," I answer hoarsely.

The rest of the kids are stretching and yawning, and I'm grateful when Livvy wakes up and cajoles them into eating while she looks over Leto. "Go, go, kids, don't worry about it. Keefe, you have my and Elwin's permission to sneak everyone into the mentors' cafe."

"Fuck yeah, thanks Livvy. Come on, Foster." He flashes a cautious smile.

Sophie doesn't smile, but she does get up and follow him, and that's something. Grady and Edaline go after the kids, presumably to keep them from getting in too much trouble, and Leto, Livvy, and I are left alone.

"Right, I'm going to change his bandages," Livvy tells me. "You might want to look away."

I know it's a foolish idea, but I don't look away. 

The gash looks not a lot better than yesterday, although stitched up a little more nicely. Livvy and Elwin have cleaned a lot of the more gory stuff away, but it still looks so wrong to have the line running across Leto's chest. It goes right over his heart, and my chest tightens at the reminder of how close I came to losing him. How close I still am to losing him. 

I’m shaking by the time Livvy is done cleaning the wound and bandaging it again.

She glances over. “You looked, didn’t you.”

I nod. There’s no point in lying- Livvy will see right through it. Her statement wasn’t really a question anyways.

She sighs and shakes her head at me. “Hopeless gay fool. Well, it’s over now.” She doesn’t bother to lie and tell me Leto will definitely be okay- she must know I wouldn’t believe it anyways. 

I try to smile. “I really am hopeless when it comes to him.”

Livvy laughs sadly, possibly at how much the conversation sounds like one we would have had when we were young and foolish and all I wanted to do was follow Leto wherever he led. “You’ve always been.”

“I know.” His hand is still clutched tightly in both of mine, long elegant fingers that I know every inch of resting across my palm.

She sighs again. "You're going to eat something today, _right_ , Tiergan?"

I shrug.

"You can't just neglect your own needs because you're terrified for Leto."

"Watch me," I find myself saying dryly.

Livvy groans quietly, but she's too tired to argue. I know. "Leto you hopeless gay, you better get better so your boyfriend doesn't drive himself into the ground worrying."

Leto, as expected, doesn't reply.

I should apologize to Livvy for worrying her, but even the smallest words feel like a lot right now, let alone emotional things like apologies. So I stare at Leto's hand and hate myself for it.

Wylie, Sophie, Keefe, Fitz, and Biana arrive back only a few minutes later, Grady and Edaline in tow.

Livvy offers a tired smile and waves hello. "Wylie! Come over here and help me get your dad to be sensible and eat some breakfast."

"Dad, please," Wylie sighs.

"Yeah, _dad_ ," Keefe contributes. I know he's joking by his grin, but I have always been susceptible to children asking me for things.

"Alright."

"Fuck yeah!" Keefe hands me a full plate of food. "We grabbed some for you too, since Wylie was being a big worrywart."

Wylie huffs a sigh. "He's my dad. I’m allowed to worry."

I duck my head so he won't see me tearing up at his concern. Wylie’s always been such a good kid. He always deserved so much better. 

The food doesn’t seem all that appetizing, but I eat it to keep them from worrying. Probably unsuccessfully, but I owe it to the others to at least try to take care of myself. 

Fitz and Biana leave, eventually. Tam and Linh come to visit. The hours and days tick on, accompanied by an endless stream of people. So many people care for Leto. 

Bronte hasn’t been back since the night he sat on the Healing Center floor and cried. I suspect he is embarrassed to have been seen so vulnerable. Oralie comes to visit, though, and she and I cry together. She cares a lot for Leto, and I know he was one of her few friends as well. He was so many people’s friend.

Oralie hugs me, and I ask her if that’s not painful to do. She shrugs, tells me she could turn off her empathy but sometimes a little pain is worth it for the sake of the people who need her. She also tells me that my sorrow is sticky but my hope is soft and warm, and not to lose that warmth.

I try to listen to her. Sometimes the hope feels more like a knife in my chest, though, twisting a little further in with every second that my mind is still empty of Leto’s warmth. I’ve taken to transmitting to him even if there will be no reply, talking about anything and everything. Complaining about people being loud. Telling him I love him. Giving him updates on Sophie. Begging for him to live, to wake up and be okay. 

His mind is still quiet.

So I sit in the Healing Center, and Sophie sits with me, and life goes on around us. She’s the only one of the children stubborn enough to stay, but the rest don’t just abandon us. Keefe is by every day to talk to Sophie, at least, and Wylie, Tam, and Linh all show up for me. The rest come too, at varying times, and some of the parents show up with them. Tinker shows up. The rest of the Collective shows up. And amidst all of this, Leto lays too-still and too-quiet.

It’s a few days later when he wakes up. Sophie is snoozing in her chair, exhausted, and I’m dozing even though it’s noon or so- I haven’t been sleeping well since he got hurt. And all of the sudden, I feel a soft movement against my hand, accompanied by a soft voice. “Tierg?”

At first, I think I imagined it, but when Leto asks "Tierg?" again, I jolt out of my doze. 

"Leto!"

He smiles painfully. "Hey."

I don't think I'm processing any of this. "I- Leto." 

Leto holds out an arm to me. "Come here."

I'm already crying by the time I manage to maneuver onto the bed without hurting him, wiping at my eyes as he puts that arm around me and tugs me close.

"It's okay. It's okay, Tierg."

"I thought you were dead. I thought- it felt like your mind was gone. And I was so alone. I was all alone." 

I'm not making much sense between how jumbled my thoughts are and the fact that I'm trying to speak between sobs, but he understands. "You're not alone anymore. Here." 

Neither of us need physical contact to reach the other's mind anymore, but I don't protest when he touches his forehead gently to mine. How I could muster coherent speech when the castle that is Leto's mind is resting next to mine once again, I have no idea. I'm not alone anymore, and that's just about all I'm processing at the moment. 

_I love you_ , I whisper to him. 

_I love you too_. His mental voice is like gentle rain, or the moonlight. I have never loved the sound of anything more.

I'm sobbing again, and Leto pulls me close enough to kiss the tears right off my cheeks, although he does wrinkle his nose a bit at me. "Tierg, you know I love you, but when was the last time you had a shower?"

I shrug.

"I'll take that as a while, then."

I shrug again. "Since before you got hurt."

"Darling, I don't know how long it's been."

Oh. Right. "Four days, maybe?" I don't know how long it's been either.

Sophie stirs from her position by the bed, blinking sleepily. "Tiergan? I could have sworn I heard Leto."

Leto's mind floods with happiness, and I can see him give Sophie a faint smile. "I'm awake, yes."

"Loki!" Sophie practically throws herself at us, stopping just in time to not squish me, and I shift over enough to give her space for a Leto hug too.

Livvy and Elwin come in soon, insisting on checking Leto over, and then a flood of other people once they hear the news. I barely hear any of what they say, too relieved that Leto is okay to process almost anything else. He holds me through it all, stroking my hair gently, and no force I know of could tear me away from him right now.

Tinker shows up somewhat later than the rest, since it takes a while for news to reach her, but she strides in quickly when she does arrive. "Leto, you fucking gay bastard! We thought you'd kicked the fucking bucket."

"No, I'm afraid I'm still around to annoy you with my over-the-top gay shenanigans," Leto says wryly.

Tinker throws her head back and laughs. "I knew there was a reason you're my friend."

"Indeed." He presses a kiss to my head, and I squeeze his hand gently as Tinker gives the two of us a genuine smile.

"You're gay, dumb, and dramatic. I love you idiots."

"And we love you," Leto returns.

I nod.

Before long, the children have somehow arranged for a ridiculous amount of food to be brought to the Healing Center, and we all have a bit of a party, if a rather low-key one compared to the ones Leto throws at Duskrim. Low-key is okay though, I would rather have Leto rest and heal properly. He is careful not to move too much, but he seems to enjoy talking and catching up with the rest of our order and all the others, so I try not to be too protective. I doubt I really succeed at that, given the slightly exasperated glance he sends my way, but his eyes are fond nonetheless. I love it when he looks at me with that fondness. It makes me feel like I'm loved no matter what, which is a rare feeling for me. Perhaps that's a bad thing, but I chose not to think about it too much. I have Leto's love, after all, and I have my son and all the other children, and my friends in the Black Swan, and what more could I ask for?

Everyone begins to head home after a while, eventually leaving just me and Leto in a quiet Healing Center.

"You should sleep," I tell him.

Leto yawns slightly at the suggestion. "So should you, you know."

"I'm not the one who got hurt."

"Indeed, but you have dark circles under your eyes, my dearest Tiergan." To prove his point, he brushes his thumb right under one of my eyes ever so lightly.

I shrug. "I was worrying about you."

"I can imagine. My loyal Tierg."

"I might be a self-sacrificing dumbass, but I'm _your_ self-sacrificing dumbass."

Leto strokes my hair again, softly. "I know. And I am ever yours."

"Always?"

"Always. But...I am also not above bribing you to sleep with the promise of kisses."

"That is absolutely not fair."

"It's not, but I will send you to sleep by any means necessary."

"So what, you're going to knock me on the head?"

Leto laughs, and then winces slightly. "God, I love you so much."

"I love you too," I murmur back.

"I will forever be astonished- and grateful- that out of every elf you could have had, you chose me."

I surprise myself by laughing quietly. "Leto, I think you're the only elf foolish enough to love me. But I would love you even if I had a thousand admirers."

"Nonsense, my darling, it's simply that none of them are wise enough to see your true beauty." He presses a little kiss to my cheek, and I'm more than happy to curl into his arms.

I hear the door click open, followed by a dry "Should I come back later?"

I can feel Leto's small laugh from where I'm curled against him. "Bronte, my old friend, I see your tongue remains as sharp as your ears are pointy."

"Oh fuck you, it's not like you're not also old." Bronte is smiling, though, discernible even in the dim light.

"I would make a lewd joke about fucking me being Tiergan's job here, but I have somewhat more dignity than that."

I'm pretty sure I'm bright red. _Leto, you bastard._

_I didn't actually make the joke, did I?*_

_You're still insufferable._

_And you love me._

_True._

"Thank goodness for your remaining shred of dignity," Bronte says dryly. "I'm sorry to show up so late at night, by the way, but the Council had business running rather late."

"No worries, I'm glad to get to see you today. It's been a little hectic trying to catch up with everyone, but come, sit down."

I can't restrain myself from asking _Does he have to?_

_Oh, Tiergan, you possessive little darling. I know, you don't like him, but I just want to talk a bit._

_I don't like him, but if that makes you happy, I'm happy for him to be here._

Leto squeezes my hand in acknowledgement of that as Bronte settles into a chair. "So, tell me. What's the Council been up to? How's your week been?"

"Dreadful, not that that's exceptional. Still, there is _so_ much paperwork to settle, and Neverseen members to sentence, and it's all a whole mess really. Oralie's been great, though- she and I have somehow managed to survive the week by working together."

"Ah, yes, Oralie. My favorite Councillor."

"Rude. But fair."

Leto smiles. "I was kidding, old friend. Speaking of Oralie, though, I have been hoping to say hi to her."

"Oh, she's coming, don't worry. She just got sidetracked in a conversation with Noland."

"I'm here," Oralie whispers, slipping inside. "Sorry it's so late."

"Not a problem," Leto assures her. "Sit on down too, I want to hear about you two's week."

Oralie does as asked, settling down by us. "Hello, Leto. And hello, Tiergan. You're being awfully quiet today."

"There's a reason my job in the order is to sit next to Leto and look pretty," I tell her dryly.

Both of the Councillors laugh, and Leto pats my head. "Untrue. You're very talented and knowledgable, it just so happens that you're also beautiful and I'm in love with you."

"You fucking saps," Bronte mutters.

Oralie giggles. "You're one to talk. You might be rude to Emery constantly, but I see you watching him when you think he won't notice."  
"

Oh, hush, you. Emery is simply very annoying."

I care barely believe my boldness, but I grin. "Annoyingly pretty?"

I have never seen a Councillor turn such a vivid shade of red.

Leto chuckles. "One of these days you'll really have to stop being in denial, Bronte."

"Absolutely not."

I laugh quietly and lean my head on Leto's shoulder.

Oralie giggles again. "You and Emery are really quite sweet, you know, Bronte."

"I don't like any of you," Bronte huffs.

"You love us," Leto smiles. "I'm afraid that on that note, I will have to kick you out, though, since Tiergan will have my head if I don't get sufficient rest."

"I'll tell on you to Livvy," I inform him.

"Ah, you see what kind of dreadful fate awaits me, my friends?" 

Oralie smiles. "Indeed we do, so we'll get going. We should get some sleep too, probably."

"We won't, though," Bronte mutters.

"We can try. It's sleepover night, after all."

His voice is startlingly soft. "Yeah. We can try. We'll visit later, Leto."

"I look forward to seeing you."

"And I you, old friend."

Oralie waves to us, and the Councillors are gone as quickly as they arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right! To get the happy ending, go to chapter 4. To get the extra sad ending, go to chapter 5.


	4. anything can happen (happy ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the happy ending! Enjoy soft gays being Soft™. I love them.

I curl up closer to Leto, suddenly anxious about the prospect of seeing him close his eyes again.

He must know why I'm scared, our minds have stayed connected, but he says nothing about it. I'm a little glad for that- Leto knows I hate to seem too clingy. He does tighten his grip softly, though, and leans over to kiss me again.

"What was that for?" I ask.

"Just because I love you."

"And?"

"And you're looking at me like you're terrified I'm going to vanish."

"I don't have a very good track record with people I'm in love with getting hurt or arrested."

"Oh, Tierg. I know. But I promise I'll never leave you. I promised a long time ago."

It might be a little childish of me, but "I thought you were going to break that promise. When you got hurt. I thought I was going to be alone again." I bury my face in his shoulder, which has the advantages of both that I get to be close to him and that he won't see me crying over this. 

Leto doesn't bother with more words- he knows I won't listen. He just holds me as tightly as he or I dares to right now, running a hand up and down my back.

I don't trust my actual voice, but my mental one will serve just fine. _I love you. Always._

_I love you too. Always and forever._

He's never promised me forever before. I guess everything's changed, now the war is over. But we'll have forever. We'll get our always. Someday, perhaps, we'll even be free to love in the daylight. Anything is possible when Leto is involved- hell, I think I could fly to the damn moon if he asked me. With him by my side, I can see a whole world of possibilities that I never would have imagined, and I love all of them but not as much as I love him. No matter what happens, I will always love him. And I know now that he will never leave me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone go awww for these dumbass gays. I would stab a bitch for them.


	5. i guess there's a limit on how far we'll go (extra sad ending)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh extra sad ending here. Warnings for gore and death and general awfulness.

I curl up closer to Leto, suddenly anxious about the prospect of seeing him close his eyes again.

He must know why I'm scared, our minds have stayed connected, but he says nothing about it. I'm a little glad for that- Leto knows I hate to seem too clingy. He does tighten his grip softly, though, and leans over to kiss me again.

"What was that for?" I ask.

"Just because I love you."

"And?"

"And because you're looking at me like you're terrified I'm going to vanish."

"I don't have a very good track record with people I'm in love with getting hurt or arrested."

"Oh, Tierg. I know. But I promise I'll never leave you. I promised a long time ago."

It might be a little childish of me, but "I thought you were going to break that promise. When you got hurt. I thought I was going to be alone again." I bury my face in his shoulder, which has the advantages of both that I get to be close to him and that he won't see me crying over this. 

Leto doesn't bother with more words- he knows I won't listen. He just holds me as tightly as he or I dares to right now, running a hand up and down my back.

I don't trust my actual voice, but my mental one will serve just fine. _I love you. Always._

_I love you too. I'm sorry._

_Sorry? Why sorry?_ I pull away from him, searching his face for answers, and I find a red stain has begun to spread from under his shirt again. _Leto!_

"I'm sorry, Tierg," he gasps out loud.

My mouth won't form words. _Why?_

"Because- because I knew this was too deep to survive from the start. So I spent my last bit of energy on today, one more happy day for you to remember."

"No." The word slips between my lips without thought, a denial of the harsh reality in Leto's words. "No."

"I don't regret it." He hisses lightly in pain, squeezing my hand tight. "Not for a minute. Any pain is worth it for-" another pained gasp. "For you."

"No, no." It's the only word I seem to be capable of forming right now, each gasped denial coming out with a sob. "You promised. You promised me eternity. You said you'd never leave."

"And I didn't lie." He brushes the side of my face gently. "I'll always be in your memories."

I tear away from him."I don't care about memories! I don't care about any of that, no memory can replace you. None of it means anything if you're not with me! Not our victory, not happiness or sunlight or memories of that happiness. Can't you see that I'm nothing without you?"

"Tierg. Tierg." He sounds so heartbroken that I can't help but relent and return to his side. "I know. I betrayed you. I know you're- know you're angry. But I need you to promise me two things."

"What- what two things?"

"First..." He takes a shuddering breath. "I know I don't have to ask you to look after Sophie, but I'm asking you anyways. She's going to need you, Tierg."

"I'll look after her. Of course. Always." I'm not surprised he asked me that. Leto cares about Sophie so very much.

"Right. Now, there's another person I need you to look after. Can you do that for me?"

"Of course. Who is it?"

"You." My shock must show on my face, since he laughs painfully. "Yes, you, Tierg. You're awful at caring about yourself. But I care about you so very much, and I want you to be happy. So please, look after yourself. Do your best to move- ah! to move on from me. And never, ever forget how much you're loved."

I'm sobbing so hard that I can barely breathe, but I still see his hand twitch and then fall still as his chest stops rising and falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't murder me <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to go onto the sad ending, click directly to the next chapter. If you want to read the happy ending or the very sad ending, go to chapter 3.


End file.
